Screwed.edu
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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