This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
