I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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