how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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