why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
