Say something about gay babies.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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