Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
