I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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