Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
