I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
