I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize