I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
worst night to have a conscience
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
