I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
