It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
