your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
