he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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