How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
