Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
