im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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