"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
