party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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