well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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