I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
