my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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