let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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