True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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