I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
