all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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