Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
