i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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