i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize