Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
