Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
