similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
