dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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