this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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