You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
