Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
