Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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