Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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