So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
