Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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