I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
smell my finger.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
