Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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