Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Boobs are out for the taking
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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