Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
