im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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