I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
