Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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