HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
