Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
