I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
