clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
