i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
