he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize