is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it because I queefed?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
