you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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