I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
