Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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