they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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