Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
