I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
