I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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