ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
