Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize