I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
