I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize