I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
