Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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