"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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