I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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