There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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