I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
