Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
