He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
