I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
