Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize