are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
